Blizzard came out with the Looking for Dungeon system back in 3.3.0 which was released on December 8th 2009. For many people, this was wonderful and amazing. Letting them play on their terms and on their time schedule. For me, this gave me heartache and stomach pains.
Anxiety is the 'displeasing feeling of fear and concern' that people feel over many things, from small to large. However, when that feeling comes all the time and keeps you from doing anything, you have crossed the line into a mental disorder.
Back in 2009, I tried to do LFD runs on my own. I think I have done a total of 3 runs by myself since the system came out. The rest of the time, I generally run with somebody from my guild. However, as time has gone on, my ability to run in anything less then a full guild group has slowly disappeared. My anxiety has slowly started to rule my entire life.
When I started to hear rumors of the upcoming LFR system, I thought that this was a great idea for the people who work weird schedules or have kids to take care of or just don't have a guild to run with. However, now that it's out, I'm seeing more and more of my guildies say "Don't forget to run LFR this week and get some upgrades!"
Honestly, this has my heart in a vice grip. The idea of going into a group where I know (at the most) 4 or 5 people makes me want to scream and then cry. I have said "I don't want to go, thank you" but now I'm sitting on the side lines watching my best friends and my husband get their "Fall of Deathwing" and it's killing me. In our raid group, the only person who doesn't have "Fall of Deathwing" is me.
Am I bringing my raid group down because I can't LFR? If I want to progress, do I need to have a panic attack over a video game? I don't know.
Also. Does "Fall of Deathwing" even mean anything? If you can go get it in LFR which is "more like finishing a heroic dungeon" then a raid? My husband says that when we do it as a guild, the GUILD will get the achievement. But ya know. That's not the same.
I'm sick. My medication appears to not be working. I've had a headache since December 1st. But, you can't see it. I look fine, if a little tired and a little sad. I seem quiet in the guild, when I try to be light hearted there is no response.
So, tell me. Am I doing it wrong? Do I need to suck it up and just deal with it? Because by the Earthmother, if I knew how to suck this up I would.
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